Grad student life

The Top Ten Lies Told by Graduate Students (taken from the Harvard Crimson)

10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
8. My work has a lot of practical importance.
7. I would never date an undergraduate.
6. Your latest article was so inspiring.
5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.
3. The department is giving me so much support.
2. My job prospects look really good.
1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.

While I was a grad student, my office was in room 239 of Durand building. We had a great view of sunsets since the office is on the west side of Durand.

Want to know what and where I sometimes eat? This is a completely unplanned, untouched receipt I found on my desk. "Select" is generic cola. Check out the time. (If you're reading this, Mom, then of course this isn't mine - it's my roommate's!) ;-)

You just might be a graduate student if...(received on email, tweaked by me)

...you can tell the time of day by the network speeds.
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
...you frequently wonder how long you can live on microwave dinners without getting scurvy
...you have given up trying to keep your papers organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a coffee shop.
...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
...you know caffeine IS a vitamin.
...your office is better decorated than your apartment.
...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
...you consider all papers to be works in progress.
...professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
...you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
...you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry
...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
...you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".
...you start referring to stories like "Snow White et al."
...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
...you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication"

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Parables for Modern Academia, or see here.

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman in a bikini." Poof! He's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the Genie says to the professor.

The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."

Top Five Lies Told by Teaching Fellows:

5. I'm not going to grant any extensions.
4. Call me any time. I'm always available.
3. It doesn't matter what I think; write what you believe.
2. Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.
1. My other section is much better prepared than you guys.

Some things you don't want to have to say on a date: (another dab of humor from Nur)

Sure your parents can come along.
Don't worry. I'm an AAA member.
Is it a serious engagement?
Yes, I know how to do dishes.
Wow, they really do freeze up in the headlights!
Nice Star Trek stuff.
Wait a minute! MY aunt's name is Betty Foster TOO!
What's that tan line on your finger?

Last update: December 11, 1999